User blog:THEJJRAT/A Very Long Story: Revised Edition
You only beat me because you're a fusion Chapter 1: Hell on Earth Within his house in Bedford, the renowned archaeologist Indiana Jones sat gulping down alcohol, partially to drown out the deep depression that came with immortality - drunkenly attempting to map out the location to the Pot of Gold, an ancient elven artifact said to contain untold riches, with his old companion Short Round, who was now a 52 year old adventurer who followed in Indiana's footsteps. "We'll help!" Father yelled, jumping through the window of Jone's estate, Star Lord following. They had been stalking the house for a few days now, waiting for the perfect opportunity to butt in. "Ah, Father! What a surprise. Your help will surely help me do the thing that I wish to do." Indiana said. "Yes, Indiana, but my help comes with a price. I will help you, but in return, I get to keep the pot of gold, and you must give me Han Solo's skeleton, the Cipher of Meribah, and the Cup of Djemsheed." Father grimly spoke. "Okay then. To IrishLand!" said Jones, not quite understanding the gravity of Father's request thanks to being under the influence, gathering his whip, fedora, and his revolver and heading out the door. The gang hopped in Indy's Duesenberg Auburn convertible, Father whipping out his sonic chicken strip and making the vehicle yeet across the planet at lightspeed, "Because I'm a fucking roachguy" Peter Quill screamed and shot a Skrull that was pretending to be a dalek. "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" yelled Father, as said skrull was a great champion who saved the universe ten billion times. The universe exploded from the skrull's death, erasing his universe saving because of time travel bullshit, but Gandalf stopped it from exploding and saved the world. Then, Martian Tripods started sucking blood out of citizens of Butt-In-Burg. Gandalf, Thor, Bilbo Baggins, Nightwing, and Josh P. Pooper (In his HYDRA suit with a Red Death pulse rifle he found off of a Guardian) fought them, making them all explode with Martian Power Rangers popping out. There was then World War 2.1, Power Rangers Vs. Predators, since Gandalf is in a hurry to eat tacos with ale and the rest wanted bacon cheeseburgers (and Gandalf is a good friend of the predators and James Cameron, who tamed a bunch of them in his basement). Later Peter groaned and took a sip from a Nuka Cola Dark can. "Can't we just go to Xen and fight some xenomorphs? This is boring! I thought we were gonna shoot some elves!" "Xenomorphs not on Xen. Second, you want to came." Shorty said. "imagine being this guy" Shorty said to Father, pointing at Shorty. "lmao he doesn't even know I planted xenomorph eggs in Xen sksksksksks" Father snickered. Suddenly, a rhino rammed Peter off the road, Peter understandably screaming. Darth Vader and Spider-Man was riding it. "Wanna find some treasure?" Father asked. "okay" Spider-Man said, Star Lord climbing back up the road. They then killed the rhino and collected it's meat for the winter. Soon, they were traveling up Mount. Buttz, the mountain where the faces of the presidents of Mexico were carved for some reason. Star-Lord bent down, and carefully ripped a root out of the chocolate black ground. Because the dirt was made of chocolate, a scientific marvel nobody could really explain. "This is a Coco McGroot root.. We must be heading the right way." He said and sniffed it. "Why?" Vader asked. "Groot was a writer. He wrote a book named "GrootamI", the seventh chapter says 'I am Groot, Groot, I, Grootam.'" "What?" Vader asked. "It means 'Look for Coco Root and you will be in right place', duh." He said and stuffed the root in the bag. Spider-Man spotted a rare Red-Nosed Cow and shot a thick, sticky, glob of web at it it. "I FOUND DINNER" "NO!" it yelled, punching him in the waist. "I MUST BE PUT IN ZOO! IDIOT GO FALL IN DITCH!" "Okay, okay! Don't hurt me..." He tied it to the rhino with webbing. They then screamed, remembering they already collected the rhino's flesh. They all collectively stared at the rhino in fear, a dreadful aura coming off the monolithic beast as it stared blankly into the sky. They climbed mountains, battled cave trolls, visited villages, made contact with extraterrestrials, and got drunk and prank called the president many, many times... But then, they found San Lorenzo, a magical land of orphans, like Spider-Man (Come on, let's face it. His parents are in the fuckin' DIRT). "I FINALLY FOUND IT!" Dr. Jones screamed, and Father Pooper took his World Map (a map the Poopers use to mark locations they visit) and wrote and drew San Lorenzo down. "I, am Puss..IN BOOTS!" A tabby cat with a Mexican hat, and a silver sword and black boots yelled, jumping at them all serious business like, Spider-Man screaming like a 16 year old schoolgirl that wasn't German. "Are you...BANDITS!?" The cat jumped back and growled. "I used to work with Butch Cassidy... and Mad Dog Coll..." Father murmured. "No, no we're not." Ferb said. "PHINEAS AND FERB?! KILL IT WITH FIRE!" Puss jumped on Ferb and bit him, Ferb's skin turning red and growing horns. It then screeched, "It's a demon from Hell!" Star Lord gasped and shot it in the face, it turning to dust and flying back to it's evil home world. I used to have a raging hateboner against Phineas and Ferb when I wrote this, for some reason. I don't know why, it was a pretty quality show, though it did wear down a little near the end. "YOU BETTER RUN, FREAK!" Darth Vader screamed. Ironic. "So, your amigos or not?" The tabby said and drank milk. "Yepadoodlesnicker." Father said, although he had stolen a bucket of treasure from the shield treasure area. He had it in his pockets. "Oh, good. How may we help you?" "A room. Food. A drink. A brothel. A pack of cards maybe." Star Lord said and took off his helmet. "You may be looking for the bar. Free rooms!" Puss and the team ran to the bar and played poker, drank until drunk, and had feasts. Sooner or later they all fell asleep in the rooms. Star Lord woke up six hours later. He yawned and threw a Coca-Cola bottle at Jones, who in turn screamed like a younger man and fell off of his bed and landed on Puss. Yowling, Puss jumped up with his back elevated up like a graveyard card and scratched and bit Jones. "Ow" Jones screamed in terror as he was being mauled by a big ol' kwitty cwat OwO. Finally, Jones hit Puss in the face with his whip and he stopped attacking. Puss hissed at him walked away. Star Lord chuckled. "We should leave. I am sensing.... a dark, dangerous presence nearby." Darth Vader said, just before TomatoBuscus walked into the bar. "oh my god, it's him" Spider Man said. "No... It can't be you..." Darth Vader gasped. "You.... You destroyed those star destroyers.... Cheese Steak the Stormtrooper hunted you down out of revenge, and you murdered him.... Why? Why did you do it?" He asked and ignited his lightsaber. Tomato Buscus drew his blaster pistol, as a tumbleweed rolled across the room as somebody started playing dramatic Western music on the piano. "I've been tryin' to find yas, old Vaders... And take meh revenge.. Eva since Cheese Steak shot meh in da arm dat day on The Salvation, I bleeded out next to my rebel henchmen...I vowed that I would find you and-" he was shot by Star Lord. "That was taking too long. Let's go." He said. He then shot a bunch of slavers, jumping on a white unicorn they were planning to sell. "PUSS, FATHER, VADER, SPIDER MAN, JONES, SHORTY, GETCHYER FAT FUCKING ASSES ON THIS PONY!" Star Lord yelled. Everyone did (after Father grabbed the lifeless TomatoBuscus's blaster) and they flew off to space. "Where next?" Star Lord asked. "Hmm...Cordin' to dis map I got from Burger King a few weeks ago, the next area is Far Far Away!" Jones said, Father grabbed the map. "This is mine. I'm the map reader of this team. I am heavy map reading guy, and this... is my map." After an hour, they stopped to eat at Friar's Fat Boy in Far Far Away (Father drew the area on his world map, "Friar's Fat Boy Fairy Tale Burritos" in the Far Far Away section) and Star Lord ordered the group ten burritos, four Shreka-Colas, and a kids meal for Shorty and Spider-Man to share. "Hmm...San Lorenzo, go left...Go around and get to the burrito place...And make a donut turn to get to...Gravity Falls Oregon!" Father said and bit into his burrito, and putting the Burrito Crown and kids meal toy (Who was Merlin and Donkey) and toy in his backpack (along with his cowbell and blaster and the purple vest from the Skrull Star Lord killed). What. "Sugar Horns, to Gravity Falls!" Star Lord yelled at his Unicorn, as she went into LIGHTSPEED. They stopped at Gotham on the way and murdered some dudes, hoping to create another Batman. They passed over Site-19 and around Area 51, made a loopty loop and pulled, made a spin and circled, and crashed on top of Greasy's Diner. "Oh! Wonderful! Customers!" Lazy Lucys said in her trademark old woman voice and went inside the giant log. "Well, least we made our shoes look good..." Spider-Man groaned and slipped off the unicorn, screamingas he fell from it, ending in a loud thump. "Maybe I'll just stay here for a bit...Ow pain." Spider-Man said, an obscure reference to Marvel Ultimate Alliance. A Very Long Story requires a very high IQ to fully comprehend. A rocket ship then crashed through his head. "That hurts a lot.." He whispered and then screamed as his head exploded, dead as a doorknob. Spider-Man then poofed, revealing a crystalline spider, which he could do because he was actually half-gem. Vader grabbed it, shoving him under his glove to keep him safe. This will probably never be mentioned in the lore ever again, so cherish this moment. A reptilian, lizard-like creature with a black coat and a blaster rifle stepped out of the ship. "I'm Bobby the Trandoshan. Bobby smell chicken, Bobby looooovvveeee chicken." "Hey! What's this do-hickey?"Lucy said and took the blaster. "No!" Bib by yelled. Lucy shot the President of the United States of America on mistake. "Oh, nuts. I shot Obama." After Lucy was put being detained for interrogation by the Secret Service, George Bush took over. "Heyy'all, want some chicken and huddogs?!" The former president shouted and offered free chicken sandviches to all the residents of Gravity Falls and visitors. Bernie Sanders watched from the distance, not amused in the slightest. He doesn't say hotdogs like that. How dare he? "Yes please!" Star Lord said, Iron Man giving him the food items because he worked here. He was going through some hard times, you know? "I want meth" Shorty said. "You can't handle OUR meth yo!" Iron Man said, Shorty snapping his neck and dumping his body into a trash can. "You listen to me, you live longer." Father ate 30,000 pounds of baked, fried, and burnt chicken, 330 gallons of Coca-Cola, and half a pound of pancakes and french fries. This would kill any normal man. "I CAN EAT MORE THAN SHAGGY!" He screamed and punched his fork onto the table, high as a fucking kite. "TAKE THAT BACK, YOU FUCK!"Shaggy screamed. "Reah, rake it rack!" Scooby yelled. Shaggy then best the shit out of Father, almost making him regenerate until they left. "Hi how may Elmo take your order?" A red furry monster asked and did a spin. "got any shrek" Spider Man asked. "okat Elmo loves you" Elmo again did a spin and hovered into thekitchen. "do shrek!" His high pitched screaming shattered the windows. He grabbed the food and turned around. "Here-Oh hi it's so good to see you again!" And he hugged Spider-Man. "Mwah, mwah." "We just saw each other four seconds ago..." Spider Man murmured, utterly insensitive to Elmo's attachment and abandonment issues. "Here's your food. Talk to you soon." said, falling down a staircase as Spidey chowed down on his cloned Shrek corpse. "HOLY HELL ARE YOU ALIVE!?" Iron Man screamed. "Elmo fine." Elmo then broke a door down with his face, "ELMO WANT RAISE KEVIN!" Elmo screamed to Kevin Clash. The worst part is that this was written after the allegations. "You didn't work last week!" "ELMO WANT RAISE! ELMO WANT WANT WAAAANNNT!" he said, pulling out his chainsaw and going to work. After the group all ate, Elmo and Bobby joined in (Elmo "wasn't being paid" enough), Elmo and Father played the Manly Man machine (Elmo winning just by touching it with his pinkie finger). Afterwards, they headed to the Mystery Shack on foot. They traveled mountains,. prank called The President some more, hunted Turkeys (sentient humanoid manifestations of the country, that were common in Oregon), and shat on trees. "Haha!" Father spotted a shack. "Oh yeah, Ltd go!" Star Lord the cute little lawyer said, and ran to the shack. "Come one come all, 50% off ALL ANIMAL CARCASSES" Stan Pines yelled as he was on the porch of the shack. "Heck yeah SUCKA!" Father said. Bear in mind that was originally written unironically. Elmo ran inside and bought green and red question mark and Mystery Shack shirts. Father rushed in and snuck (lol snuck is the correct spelling) into Dipper's room and casted a spell onto the journal and cloned it. "Little did they know...The one who wrote it WAS-" "-STAN PINE'S BROTHER BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED IN THE SHOW-" "FREE SNOWGLOBES!" Puss yelled. He placed the clone in his bag gave him, "FREE!" Father woke up Dipper with the scream and randown the staircase and knocked down Jones. "Finally, my name is used! I need to be a more frequently used character!" After breaking the 4th wall, Jones got in a fight with Elmo in Call of Duty Ghists. Elmo won of course (Getting 87 kills and 20 legit no scopes in 8 seconds flat), winning a copy of Half Life 3. "Not Elmo's taste. Here," he gave Father the disc. "Elmo hate volvo gaemsz." "Yet you play COD.." "Hey! COD is legit, you 3 year old!" "Canonically your 3 and a half years old.""....Unfair!" "AHH!" Elmo jumped onto Father'shead and bit it and latched to him. "UGH AHHH GET IT OFF!"He shook his head and Elmo flinged off and crashed into a lamp. "URRGURRF!" Elmo swallowed 3 pounds of glass and punched Father. "RIGHT IN THE ELMO'S WORLD!!" No amount of editing could've saved that. Chapter 2: HYDRA After the uniicorn vomited out all of the luggage of the Gang, they decided a hijack a red Ford (Which was part Jeep. I really don't know what was going through my head when I wrote this) and shove everything in the back. It took some time for Father to shove FightFighters and the Tumble Weed Terror games in the back, though. Somehow. Elmo decided to dumpster dive as they packed, and found two games, Fight Hogg and Doctor Punch, M.D. "Elmo found games." Spider-Man whined, the little snitch. "SOUVENIR!".Jones screamed and took them. "ELMO WANT!" "Hey, we made a deal to give all of the loot to Father." Star Lord said and hopped in the backseat, "Where nexto?" "Cordin' to this map, Cloud CUCKOO LAND! The LEGO one, not the Banjo Kazooie world." "CAR, TO CUCKOO LAND!" Star Lord screamed, the card not doing anything. Suddenly, Josh jumped on top the car. "AHH!" screamed Starlord. Josh shot at the car, then jumped into one of the windows. "Surprise! Oh, I need this." He said and grabbed Jones by the collar. "Yippee ki yay, motherfuckers." He pulled a string on his suit and flew out the window, forming wings. "HAIL HYDRA!" "CATCH DAT BIRD!" Father scremed. Yes, you read that right. "We really, really need him btw uwu" Father said. "Rightaway, capin'." Starlord said a pulled out an E-11 and shot Josh from out the window. "HEY! THAT'S MY SON!" "I have it.on stun.." Suddenly, a helicopter pulled by the side of the car. "Ohhh shit..." Star said. A dude inside opened the door thing, unloading a helicopter-mounted M134 Minigun on the car. "I WAS GONNA CONSIDERJOINING HONEST" Father held his hands up. The car exploded, but Gandalf teleported everyone and everything into a UFO before it all went bye bye. "Uhhhhh..." Father groaned. "The fuck happened?" Father asked, finding himself on a big ol' white sterile bed. "Oh, you were being save/abducted by the Gandalfians of Gandalfia until our ship was blown up and we rented a new one." A Gandalf said. "So I'm in a spaceship?" "A Gandalfian Series-B 20x 6,000 86193 Flying Saucer, to be exact." Gandalf himself said. "Can I go now?" "Not without your FREE Complimentary Gandalf Hat and FREE UFO insurance and a Limited-Edition Triangular UFO!" A Gandalf let Father and the rest out and gave Father the stuff. "Thanks!" "You're welcome. Your ride's outside. And remember, YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Call 1-800-88-00-9-GANDALF-MCGANDALF for all your legal troubles!" Gandalf said. Father nodded, wrote down the number, and stuffed his stuff his backpack. "Bye!" Father and the gang jumped into the UFO and dumped their stuff in the storage room. "Where next?" Indy asked, having been teleported to the ship by Dumbledore, a Gandalfian. "Cloud Cuckoo-Oh we already got there when we were abducted.. BEACH CITY! HOME OF THE LESBIAN ROCKS!" Father yelled. "Whoo!" They flew to Beach City in their UFO. They landed atop the.mountain where those gem guys lived. "Wahoo! Let's go!" Elmo screamed and ran to Beach Citywalk Fries, with the others following. "We will take a Gem Cola, a box of french fries, a hashbrown, and a Cookie Cat." Elmo said apon seeing the place. "RONALDO! MAKE A DOUBLE MEAL COMBO WITH COLA BONUS!" yelled Peedee, but the place was robbed by the Payday gang. They ate their meal at the arcade, Garnet and Father playing an epic round of Meat Beat Mania, if you know what I mean. "Woo!" Star Lord screamed as he got 20 billion tickets and bought a stormtrooper teddybear. He shoved everything into his Cheeseburger Backpack that he found in a garbage can (Along with the spider suit from Spider-Man 2, due to an anomaly that caused the events of Spider-Man 2 to occur in Beach City). "I hate myself" Father said, walking down the road with Starlord. "How will Mother react when you come back with a junk-filled.UFO?" He asked. "idk" Father said, Starlord chuckling like a dickhead. "Hey, here's my helm." he handed Father the thing I n order to shoe horn in an emotional scene. "Really?" "no bitch that was a joke, I hate you lmao" They both laughed, but a stand with stuff for sale got their attention within seconds. Father, putting on the helmet, ran with Starlord to the shop. "Hi! I'm Steven! I'm selling junk torandom people!" "Hi, Rose. I-I mean, Steven. Yeah. Your name's Steven." "I want the Watermelon Steven, the Metal Mutt, a Flask Robonoid, those tapes of Lil' Butler, Evil Bear 2: Bearly Alive, M.C Bear Bear, the Desert Glass, and the Le Spatula...What is that doing here?" Father said. He then realized he had no money, so he whipped out his phone and went on his Crime.net app, hiring the Payday gang to steal it all. Dallas, Wolf, Houston, Chains, and John Wick ran up to the stand, yelling at Steven to get down and cable tying him. Don't you love when I shoe horn Payday into literally everything I write? Soon enough, the police were called, the gang quickly killing off the first responders. Police soon flooded the area, the Crystal Gems assisting them as the gang slaughtered wave after wave of SWAT officers with little to no cover, John Wick dealing with the Gems and effortlessly wiping the floor with them. Snapping Garnet's neck, popping a cap in Pearl's head, strangling Amethyst with her rope... Within two hours, the gang made off with the loot, leaving exactly 2,456 corpses strewn across the boardwalk. Father met with the gang in a dark alley, throwing them bags of cash as they threw him bags of stuff. He left, letting Stevio (The watermelon) and Mr. Robotnik (The Flask) follow. They traveled back to the Gang while the two drank Kelp Shakes from a local KelpShake store that had Fish with waterdomes on their heads working at it. When they got there, Elmo was cooking at a BBQ and made ribs, burgers, and chicken strips. Everyone was having dinner, while the Crystal Gems walked home with Steven, grief stricken from the shootout from earlier. "Hey! I want some!" Both Starlord and Father said. "ELMO SUCHGOOD CHEF!" Elmo screamed and gave the two ice-cold Bloxy Colas. Star ate a rib, "ELMO IS!" His head exploded, leaving nothing but a rainbow. Father's arms blew off when his tastebuds even touched the chicken strips. There was even a game where one player toaded a assault rifle with chicken strips, and trie to shoot them into the others mouth. Father also found a Cookie Cat machine in a dumpster. "Yay!" Elmo screamed. After the almost-Mini-Summer, Spider Man asked, "Where next?" Suddenly, out of nowhere, a TARDIS materialized, with Spidey in it. "HELP!" (Ronaldo turns on I'm the Doctor theme on YouTube, full volume). Nothing could've saved that, either. Chapter 3: Finally...Another Chapter The TARDIS doors open, "I'M BATMAN!" Batman screamed and jumped out and punched Father in the face, the TARDIS exploding and becoming Freddy Fazbear and exploding once again, killing the Spider-Man that was inside. He was from Earth-55555555557, though, so it doesn't matter. "I'm Batman." Batman said. "Yay! Will you come wit us Batman?" Spider Man asked. "YEP." "Yaaaaaaaaaay!" Spider-Man yelled, hugging Batman. What a twink. "No mochitchat. We need to go to Taco Bell." Fatjer said, and they took the UFO to Taco Bell. Father stopped the UFO next to the drivethrough. "We will like 27 Tacos and a VIP pass to the basement." "fuck you" the dude said, before the Taco Bell was turned into a miniature Hell, the souls within burning in hellfire. "HAS EVERYONE FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME?!" "And me!" The rhino and red nosed car screamed. "Oh, Rhiny! I though we were riding you.." Spider Man said. "NO, YOU RANDOMLY DITCHED US." They stomped off a random room, never to be seen again, along with Puss and Bobby. "Why did we need to go here again..." Star lord asked. "Because, I'll be right back." Father said and got out then went into Taco Bell. An hour Star lord, was playing Team Fortress 2 on his phone like that one Jerma joke, Elmo was drawing a picture of Batman, and Batman was sitting (with his legs up against the console) and eating leftover Shrek, watching two tiny Shreks fight to the death with rocket launchers for a chicken nugget that someone dropped outside. Jones was texting Marina (from the past, who fought the Dark Army with Ai and the Volunteer Army) with the Doctor's android, which can allow you to call and text people from the past and future paradox-free. "SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Foxy opened the door and jumpscared everyone, which didn't scare them because jump scares aren't scary. "Can I join you guys? Me and Bonnie just broke up." He asked. "But..Bonnie's a guy-" Jones said. "SKREEEE! NO SHE IS NOT! THE MANUFACTURERS GOT THE GENDERS MIXED UP, BUT GOT EVERYTHING ELSE RIGHT! I-I'M NOT LIKE THAT!" He panicked, breaking into tears storming into the Little Foxes room. "See what you did, you old fuck?" Batman hissed at Jones, crossing his arms. "Um...C-can...W-we join too?" Charno asked, with Marina behind. Along with Lephret. "Ai said it was fine." Marina said. "Sure. A warrior and a few clerics are going to going to be long useful." Batman said. "Wait, HOW ARE YOU HERE!?"Jones asked. "TARDIS." The Eleventh Doctor said, peeking into the.UFO then running off to the TARDIS. "That son of a fuck" A few hours later, Batman said, "ARGH!", because Batman said that as he crashed through the window of the UFO, landing on the wall. Marina quickly came to heal him. "What happened?" Shorty asked. "I walked outside and one of those shreks missfired their RPG at me. I'm missing my collar bone and broke my skull, oh, wait, they grew back because I'm Batman." Suddenly, the doorcslid open with Father there holding bags of tacos and assault rifles that shot tacos and bullets made of tacos. "Who are they...Nevermind that. TACOS!" Father threw tacos at everyone, Lephret catching one. I'm not even going to bother editing this part, it's all garbage. All of it. "What is a...Taco?" She said, assuming it was a food, and ate it. She became a rainbow for an hour then became a human again. She vowed never to partake in this sorcery ever again. "TACOS! YEAHUYA!" said Satan. Chapter 4: To the Rainbow! "Okay....What should we call this treasure hunting group?" Father asked, turning his Captain space chair and eating from a Lays potato chip bag. "Um...I'm Batman?" Batman asked. "CHARNO INC OF AWESOMENESS!" Charno said as she sat cross legged. "no" Father said with a microphone. "Now, how about a decent name?" "Um...The.." Batman said, "treasure hunting," Starlord said, "group of epicness," Marina said, "of Lephret's..." Lephret said, "face." Jones said. "The Treasure Hunting Group of Lephret's Face? Man, fuck you guys. TRHGOLF, also known as G.O.L.F, also known as GOLF. It's official. Hope you're happy." He wrote it down and flew to Underda Rainbow Town. "We are seconds away from finding that pot of gold!" Everyone clapped and cheered. "But, first we need to fight the gym leader." "What's a gym?" Foxy asked. "A place where you grow these babies." Batman said, kissing his giant abs. "No, it's where you fight Pokèmon. That's why I said leader. Jesus, I'm working with a bunch of idiots..." Father sighed. "No u" Batman replied. "Let's go!" Elmo and headed to the door, hitting the wall and dying. "Halt!" A Combine soldier said, guarding the gym. "Only Pokèmon MASTERS can enter." He said. "Oh, it's one of those gyns.... Stay here, I'm going in." Father said. "aight" Star Lord said. Father entered. He walked down a dark hall, when red lights suddenly sparked. There sat a throne...with a male_07 in a blue suit and a crowbar in hand with a golden crown on. He looked down at Father, with red glowing eyes. "What are you doing in gm_pokemon_arenas.... Father?" He said with a deep voice. "Uh.... Are you slow or something ? To get the badge, dumbass." "The Garry's Mod Badge of Victory? Well, I'm not paying your medical bill." He grabbed his staff and banged the butt of it on the ground, the audience chanting "Hax! Hax! Hax Hax!". "You are challenging Lord Hax. The royal Immortal who defeated the likes of Gabe Newell at battle. " — Dramatic Eye Closeup— "And I accept." He threw a Pokèball at the stage. "Go, Crowbar!" "Go, Bobbio the Genesect!" "Naming your Pokèmon? They are nothing more than tools, you sentimental fool." He gave Crowbar a Rare Candy, "USE CROWBAR!" "Crowbar, crowbar!" It yelled, and threw a crowbar at Genesect. "GENESECT, USE STAB AND STRENGTH!" Genesect used strength and then stabbed crowbar, Crowbar fainting almost instantly. "Heh. Not bad, kid. But that was only the first onslaught." Hax said, throwing another pokeball to the stage. "Beanbag Sonic..... GO!" Hax yelled, a giant beanbag-shaped hedgehog falling out of the ball, hitting a fat dab. Father then pulled out a glock and shot the creature in the head, instantly killing it. "THAT'S CHEATING" Hax screeched, jumping down to the stage. He tore his clothes off, revealing his thick, bulging muscles. "You have forsaken this match.... And now you must pay the price. I shall now ACTIVATE MY『STAND!』GO, 『JUDGEMENT!』yelled Hax, a rather robotic yet ruggedly handsome creature appearing behind him. Father then vored Hax, stealing his stand. He burped, coughing up the the golden diamond incrusted G shaped badge, covered in stomach bile. He bent down and grabbed it, attaching it to his coat. A baby Strider hopped onto his shoulder. "I become your pet when youwin. I'm Bob." "Yeah, that's nice." he said and patted it's she'll head. Gordon Freeman gave Father a golden Combine Metro helm, a crowbar, and an AR2. He left, and saw Elite Combine soldiers doing the Harlem Shake and Josh hugging a metrocop. "We're cousins! Metro Pooper!" Josh said, the metro cop waving at Father. Father was quite shocked to be seeing his kids, especially since they were halfway across the country, and somebody was desperately trying to escape from his starving belly. Also, Glass'O Pooper married a Combine Assassin. "SHE'S NOW PICKLEFACE ILIKEPICKLES POOPER!" Glass'O said and ran to Mexico like the Flash to rob a bank along with Josh. Everyone got into the UFO. They flew west, and suddenly ran out of gas on a desert. "Well, fuck" Foxy said. "We still have plenty of supplies." Marina said. "How do you make fuel?" Batman asked, everybody going outside. Charon found a rock, that was red and hot to the touch... "Um... This is Notorious Fuelrock.... but it takes a whilefor it to turn to liquid." She said and hauled it with magic tothe front of the ship. "Aye, I'll help." Lephret said. "Same papa." Batman said. They put it in a pot that Batman made (He made a round hollow sand castle, and yelled at it so it became glass), and Batman slowly melted it with his stare. Suddenly, figured jumped from beneath thesand and shot the car with guns, laser weapons, and bows. "Desert raiders!" Darth Vader said, turning on his lightsaber and deflecting some lasers, bullets melting after penetrating the blade. "Everyone to the front lines!" Father said, pulling out his Bluesteel M70 AB-3 that he got from one of his trips on Robloxia. Father moved down the line, shooting multiple bandits between the eyes. Marina at aid behind, healing the fighters. Foxy bit a few of their heads clean off. Darth Vader force choked entire legions of bandits at once, but they kept on coming. "It's a whole fleet!" Charno increased the heat of the fire from beneath the pot. Father called Bain, and a helicopter flown by Bile carrying the Payday gang arrived after a few minutes. Dallas, Chains, Wolf, Hoxton, Houston, John Wick, and Clover dropped to the ground, fucking shit up and stealing sand by the dufflebag. Then Jonathon Joestar, Lisbeth Salander, Shrek, Thanos, Jon Arbuckle, Inspector Gadget, Captain Winters, White Diamond, Lord Starkiller, Emperor Palpatine, Deathstroke, the Time Trapper, Imperiex, Galactus, the Doom Slayer, Yog-Sothoth, Reggie from Tokifuji, Christopher Sincere Pride II, Caylen-Tor, SCP-784-ARC, Exitar The Executioner, and Phil Swift joined the fray, news helicopters rushing to the scene as the historic battle heated up. Bandit corpses flooded the desert as bandit reinforcements arrived in Panzerkampfwagen VIIIs, Eurocopter Tigers, Boeing–Sikorsky RAH-66 Comanches, NHIndustries NH90, Boeing CH-47 Chinooks, ZiL Punishers, Buffalos, what the plural form of the BAE Systems Taranis is, Bronco All Terrain Tracked Carriers, AT-ATs, and GAZ Tigrs. Phil laughed like a complete maniac as he flew around the battlefield, knocking helicopters out of the sky with his sledgehammer, dropping boiling hot globs of Flex Seal on unsuspecting raiders. Also Vader used a Gravity Gun he found in the sand to shoot giant rocks at bandits. Seventeen hours had passed, and an estimated 599,999 bandits had been slaughtered. News helicopters were absolutely swamping the place, the battle live on televisions all across the country. "IT'S DONE!" Batman yelled and threw the pot into the Fuel Hole on the side of the UFO. The Payday gang secured the loot in their helicopter and left as the other gang got in the UFO and left the atmosphere, everybody else leaving as the bandits mourned their dead. Reggie sneaked aboard the UFO, as well. Chapter 5: To the Rainbow Again! Father dropped on the Captain's Chair. The ship was in deep space. As they were heading towards the rainbow, they had to stop at a planet, Sammichia. Father was eating a cheeseburger, as he could not eat sandwiches at the time because they went a species of sentient sandwich live, Sammichia. It had 2 moons, Sandwichia and Burgeria. Lephret was vacuuming the vessel with a Stan Vac, in case you wanted to know. The UFO landed next to a bank on the planet, and Father went out and talked to Lord Turkey Sandwich, who was the ruler of the planet. "I got the badge. The prophecy states I must I speak to you after I.... 'found' it." "Ah, of course. Take this, the Golden Egg of the Aztecs. It will be useful on your journey." Father nodded and turned, "Wait, take this Sandwich Launcher, it will prove valuable against the creatures dwelling in this cruel, unforgiving universe." "Aight" Father said, waving back at him as he entered the UFO Later Back on Earth, Father was heading atraight toward the water with the ship, then suddenly pulling up and stopping. He turned on a tractor beam from the bottom of the ship and everyone started to wear hazmat suits (as they couldn't find any sea equipment). They dove into to the sea, while Bobby patrolled the UFO and cut the giant decor underwater rocks intopebbles. Father emerged from the water, wielding bags of Chinese kabobs and from the Wet Noodle and buckets of chicken from the Sea Chicken Shack. I wonder how much they've spent overall on food. Lephret caught and tamed a Great White Jellyfish and was riding on top on it. Darth Vader had installed a giant fish tank into one of the walls of the UFO that was filled with a Red Jellyfish, a Dragon Jellyfish, a Steel Jellyfish, 2 King Jellyfishes, a Ghost Jellyfish, a Krabby Patty Jellyfish (a burger with tentacles), and Old Man Jenkins the fish (AND a Goldeen and a Saber Tooth Shark). What a world. "Okay, now we just gotta find that Golden Sponge-" "Did y'all say....Gold sponger boberio?" A hobo fish said, crawling into the UFO. "Well, I found this in the dumpster. Please give me food. I-I haven't eaten in six weeks. P-please give me w-water, too." He threw a solid gold sponge at Father, the latter pulling out a silenced pistol and popping him right between the eyes, his corpse falling out of the ship as it began to hover off the ground. Also later "How many fuckin' trips do we have to take?!" Jones groaned. "One more. We have to take a trip to Naruto's Shop of Shopness." Father put the UFO into lightspeed mode and headed to Japan. The UFO landed near Naruto as he was fighting a gang of squirrels. "Wah!" He chopped a squirrel, killing it instantly. The creatures screamed, grew ammo belts, machine guns, and headbands, as they fired at Naruto. Naruto was saved by Chuck Norris, Chuck voring them. Father appeared behind Naruto. "Nothing personnel, kid, but I need that.." He whispered into the shinobi's ear. "Ohhh...That." Naruto leaded him into the shop. They stopped at the basement, where a life sized, golden, disgusting Yui Hirasawa statue sat. "This is what you need, right?" "Yep." "Well good. Now take it and get the fuck outta here, you piece of-" Naruto said, Father snapping his neck and leaving. After Lephret, Batman, Foxy, and Father pushed the statue into storage. "I'm Harold." a Half-Life citizen said. "HOW DID YOU GET IN?!" Batman screamed. "I live in the bathroom playing my Pokèmons. That cute horse femboy Reggie let me in." Harold said, holding a cartridge of Pokèmon Silver (Well, making it magically float infront of him). "FREE POKÈMANS!" He said and spam spawned Pokèmon ragdolls. "okay" Batman said, before the ship flew to Manchester Island. Decked in underwater suits, the team dove under Maryland Road, Butt-In-Burg. Father approached a stone wall, with four holes in it. "Some researchers say this is Atlantis. But they're wrong, it's actually not. Funny how that works lmao know what I'm saying" He said, and pushed the anime statue into the middle hole. He placed the sponge into a smaller whole, then the egg into another one, and finally the Gmod badge into the round one. The wallopened to reveal a broken down, decaying, fish infested building. Suddenly Homer Simpson flew to the sky and threw a donut at the Moon, before being shot down by a stealth jet, his blood staining the sea red. Father put on his Watchers Hoxton Mask, because he was apparently a member of the Kataru. And then Pyrocynical t-posed his way into the gang. That makes three furries in this group. "Let's get rich." Others http://scoot-labs.wikia.com/wiki/User_blog:THEJJRAT/Spaghetti_meatball http://scoot-labs.wikia.com/wiki/User_blog:THEJJRAT/Very_Long_Story_2 http://scoot-labs.wikia.com/wiki/User_blog:THEJJRAT/Very_Long_Story_3 http://scoot-labs.wikia.com/wiki/User_blog:THEJJRAT/Vls_3-2 http://scoot-labs.wikia.com/wiki/User_blog:THEJJRAT/Hduruwhsbsbs Category:Blog posts Category:Blogs:Canon Category:Blogs:FatherPooper Category:Blogs:Marvel Category:Blogs:StevenUniverse